Having to compete with magic

     Starting over, if I didn't know better I could not say what I have seen and the birds that sing at night are no longer here (sad face)! I really can't expect much of anyone anymore and having known that the devil does not play fair and perhaps turns chickens into chicks and gives them wings to fly away by merely adding pixie dust. 

     Yes, cartoons all around is what children are all about. Oh yes, starting over..starting over for me at this point has taken a toll and has been a roller coaster ride with some crazy loops and laps that have made me become twisted and wrapped a couple perhaps, millions of times. Crime is on my mind that is probably taking place right now, as corruption sails to a far away land and the evil of the spirits enjoy their wealth that has been taken by force from innocent dumb people that probably can't stand a chance against a crowd of crows that just' wait for a piece of bread to be dumped by someone else. 

     Starting over by thinking about a piece of bread that looks like bread to me but is actually something else to someone else. See magic exist in the world I live in and I have seen things and places transform themselves in a blink of an eye. I can't compete with magic! (Boldly speaking) Magic is powerful! People that use magic must be very competent. I'm sure to use magic for evil on someone must really be a way of proving that those people are better than most.

     I can't compete with magic because God didn't give us all those tools, God didn't intend for most of us to live in a kingdom that was meant for only magical creatures as one's that live in lovely places ,I'm sure. Magic can be used in powerful ways. Let me give you an example of the magic I have witnessed. The mind that might wrap around our thinking can be very powerful! It can make us feel and see things as it wants. Magic can have permanent effects on the mind,spirit and whole being! There was this one time that I was here in what appears to be the desert where a lot of death might have taken place and sacrificing people is not a thing of the past but what appears to be a thing that might continue to happen. But what difference do we know of who's people or who's an animal now a days. Anyway, I was alone in this place I live in and no cars where passing by and no people walking at all! It felt like a deserted place and I sensed something coming. I tried to not feel as if it was getting to me but the feeling and thoughts of insanity where becoming too strong. So, I took off to L.A. Who know's what drives me out of town during some times. Maybe it's something good that's coming and a whole bunch of negative spirits decide to bundle up and drive me away. That's very competent. 

     It all has to do with money! Money, money and more money, if people have a way of changing the way they look in an instant as some get wrapped by their daemons or what not to get away, why would they not do it, over and over again. Some people are told they are destined to live in the bottomless pit forever and having been told that over and over again, they began to believe that and seemed to grow accustomed to a certain way of revolutionary thinking. A way of thinking that bring curses upon all their family members and that is how John became Jane and Francisco became Francis..that is how people became to adopt names and took over other's wealth as other's escaped to God know's where as they fled to a place where sin and having many wives was ok.

     Good people don't stand a chance against evil, unless a powerful army sent by God himself goes out and fight for some good people. Starting over does not necessarily mean as starting as a fake, but realizing what hasn't been realized yet. We spend a whole life time plus a half of another busting our asses trying to figure out why we can't advance and have material things as other's. But once we realize that other's move faster than some of us and to them a body is just as what appears like a snakes skin that they can easily dispose of at any time is out of this world. I don't know if it's a gift from God or just a higher unimaginable power of a particular black hole, but it's powerful!

     It's a difficult time we are living in. Some of us don't live in heaven, some of us are too fearful to seek for help that is probably not out there. Some of us are just targets that are foreseen by the one's that know they will never die or have eternal rest due to their corrupt past. (having a sense of freight and feeling of sadness) I don't know why, but I know that shit went wrong when people began to go out into space and fell at a different time and space. (hearing the laugh of a baby) A baby..who takes the life of a man and turns them into children again?

     That's right..tools to stay thin, tools to be tall, tools to look different, tools to get away, tools to do wrong, but who uses tools to love anymore?

No Body!(with a hopeful thinking) So why bother to reinvent ourselves in starting over as other people when we all return to our own vomit. Some of us don't even know who threw us up so how can we return as vomit? 

     Maybe that is why I love music and the sound of the birds, because some songs say what we want to hear and some birds sing when it's quiet. Get it? Anyway..Being still isn't easy when so much in the air is against one's space. A huge family is a blessing not only from God but from father time too. Thinking positive helps, opening up the bible helps so much! Being confident that God is present helps and being confident in our faith in God is the most important tool that we all need to master before all else. The hardest tool I am afraid to write that I have not learned to posses.

     I still get scared as a child I think, maybe even worse. I get scared because I love God, and wish to do and live right so bad that I know perhaps dark clouds come above me so God would miss me over and over again, and perhaps can't see me of who I truly am or have the potential of being because of all the evil that still surrounds me and I believe I was already foreseen. Witches have a way of getting what they want and making some of us good hearted people look fat, short, perhaps ugly or even dead. How can God know how many hairs I grow then?

   Forgive me God, for my faith fails me as you approach me.

     It saddens me to think that a family that was once thrown into perhaps a bottomless pit has been spreaded away with time and lies. It's disturbing to come to the realization that perhaps we all took a different approach with religion and all. Seeing things in people's faces really makes me realize that their are a whole bunch of unsettled spirits or "ghost" as many will call them, but to understand them and be able to give peace to murderer's and rapist is not such an easy thing to do in spirit. Starting over at this point in my life seem's more like a passion to help these spirits that can't be helped in the flesh. Even if God did allow them to live in the flesh of other's, some say that a black flesh is not good enough! Not good enough when God makes no mistakes! God know's what he has created and what thing's have created other's. I mean why question God! Why question God in the sense that we where all created in his image for a purpose. Then that purpose became not good enough to live. I heard this comment that asian people are now considered to be the next, " Death Walking" Asian people!? 
     I always did wonder why I had many encounter's with asian women and many of my ex-toss up's. But to me, believe it or not ,some asian people are like angel's to me now as the way I see it and the hate that comes over me as I see them. I try not to look at them as they are close because many want to overtake them and some look so scared.
     I ask myself as I did that muslim guy that I met. I asked, "why do your people be-head other's? I said,"Is it because you are scared of the messages God has to show and give you thru these people", then I go further in explaining, that I'm assuming that they get scared by the faces of these people because they want to cut their heads off. I asked,"Is that what it is,are your people scared of God and the people he uses's to deliver these messages"? 
A brief silence from him and me not being able to shut up as I smoke my turn. I continue to say," I have come to understand that there are spirits we can't see that really want to cross over and deliver a message to certain people and some really reveal themselves perhaps in a voice, a face, or probably both, which did sound and I probably looked like I was asking to be be-headed at the time. (lol) As I spoke ,his face turned to a mean face, I saw the veins popping out of his face, like a mounsto..scawee, I said."Knowing this, you have to be able to take control of your body and what you are feeling and understand that you are in control of your own flesh"! He looked at me as if I was being honest. I continue to say, so I wonder if that's the case why muslims be-head people, because they are really scared. Then I said,"But don't you muslims pray ,"like five times a day"? He said "yeah" and began talking in some different language. He said," I have five fingers.see?" He said. I said,"ok". Then I said," If you have been devoted to God so much and pray so much, then God shows you more than he probably shows anyone else"! I continue to say," Why be scared at what God is showing you thru other people, I asked, why be scared of the message he is trying to deliver to you muslims thru those people", I asked. 
     I don't remember his answer or if he did have one. I continued in telling him that I hated to feel when people wanted to cross over thru me, I feel that shit! I told him that I wasn't scared and I understood it. I would not want to take someone's life and would want a figure of a monster coming in thru my face. Not saying that he did. I'm just saying that most people that have killed and have taken someone's life for some reason or another has the vulnerability of it to show in their faces. Having said that, now I understand why some have chosen other religions as a means of that not happening to them at that moment. Apollo's wife probably knows what I'm talking about being that she likes to cut people open in the morgue ,where she once said in her tv show, "The real housewives of Atlanta", people that work with dead people and stuff. It's funny how some words and real life have so much in common.
     Starting over..I question myself if that muslim was out to be-head me if it wasn't for the things that I said to him. It's funny how he said something like," I will have my wife living here in Lancaster and the other in Palmdale, so they won't know about each other", I giggled and wonder why he said that. Anyway, only God knows. Then I kept on telling him that muslims did not have to be scared of God's ways. I said,"God must really be pleased by muslims being able to pray all day and like' five times a day, so God must think that they where ready to receive messages from many people in so many ways and not be afraid"! I also said, God talks to us all day, thru so many people, in so many ways too. In books, thru the person that's talking to the cashier in front of us as he speaks that message he is saying to her might be for us, too! I said, "people want to hear a direct message all the time." I know I do! I was telling him that I wanted to hear a message from God himself probably, with instructions and all, telling me what my plans should be. I know that's probably not going to happen because I know God talks to me all day. I know what he wants me to do in oppose of what I explain to him that I would like to do, but I go off and tell him, that I think God and I are feuding at the moment and I told him that maybe God might not like my ways. Then I said, maybe that's why I don't have anything. Then, I told him," You seemed blessed with your business you  said your bringing here from pakistan, You have a nice car" he showed me his empty five bedroom house that I honestly thought he had paid too much for , in Lancaster. I complimented it anyway in part of his blessings. I told, him that he was blessed with things that he probably wanted for himself and his family and that God made that happen for him. I have nothing, I told him..then I think I told him that satan had taken it all away from me. I am not sure but I think that I read that in the online version of the "Quran" I only got to chapter five and that was a couple days ago,so I can't say that I read it there or not but I read it somewhere. He didn't seemed like a bad guy and having him taken me to his house was a bit uncomfortable being that he said he did have a family in Wisconsin and they would soon move in, so I said," I don't feel comfortable here, being that it's your families house and all, it's sacred". A man should not take another woman to his families house to chill, or who knows what plans he had in mind. I was in one of my spontaneous moments of exciting, "what if's" that's all. Yeah, yeah,yeah, but that career has probably reached it's spontaneous limits for me,in a pro-bono sense of the deal. 
     Anyway, the weed was good and the wind got the best of me that day blowing me around like a rag doll. Pushing me around and making me walk as if I was drunk. Crazy feeling of getting punked by the wind. My pants wanted to sag and fighting against the wind pulling up my pants was no fun. So maybe that small malfunction didn't let me jump on the train to go and wonder back to L.A. 
    All in all, if muslims don't want to receive messages in ways that seem unholy to them,than maybe they are the infidels in the sense that they get scared of a simple person that might seem as unreal in the face that they want to cut it off, IDK, Maybe they should receive messages from huge underground monster's that probably wont deliver a message but just eat them alive. Then probably that would be a bigger message to them,telling them that God probably heard them the day before the in one of the five times they prayed and they probably don't need to pray so much if they get scared by mere human's in the flesh trying to deliver a message and as they see the faces in that person's head they immediately want to cut it off. Like I said, that persons spirit might follow them around after they cut their heads off because it's unsettled and will not rest in spirit because the silly muslims probably didn't think that some people might continue to live in spirit after they die because the silly person that killed them didn't think as far as knowing what to do with the spirit when it got rid of the flesh.
   So..In conclusion, muslims, " If you are planning to keep killing people and be-heading them for what ever reason, know that God expects a good reason for their death and I would think, God would also want you to think of what it is that you will think of doing with that person's spirit"! 
Starting over for me, Is not really starting over for myself, but for God.  

A Book Left unpublished

 

Starting over,when it never really stopped. My predictions seem to be on the dot and I have not seen the future,but by common thought. Starting over isn't so bad if doing things that we love to do. Like, getting the job we wanted, being able to take that promotion that was always there but wanted to let incompetent people apply for it first. Starting over. 

Having the phone off the hook with God has brought me a couple of different interesting news that I might say,"come as a surprise"! Not a shock, but somewhat a surprise, one would think that bugging God is the thing to do and the route to take, but if God does not want to hear us,God will not hear us! I don't know how God works,honestly...but from the feeling of it, I get more answers when I don't pray. How crazy does that sound?

     I can't speak too much on why my excitement in writing and wanting to express myself so freely on how it is that I am feeling at this moment so ,I rather just explain on how one might start all over.

Starting over if one failed high school===Find ways to continue and or get an accredited certificate

Starting over if one didn't finish College===continue where left off and do your best

Starting over if one failed in many relationships===Don't look for anything,if it comes ,let it be persistent, be yourself and don't believe anything!

Starting over if a gold fish dies===buy another fish

Starting over if your dog dies===why did your dog die?

Starting over if your kids don't want you as a parent===find other kids to love

Starting over if you can't get a job===God is always looking for volunteers

Starting over if there is no one looking for volunteers===Ask to work for food

Starting over if no one is wanting to give away jobs?

That is a question, that many leaders of different jobs that deal with they ass sitting in a desk all day have to go out and ask the homeless.

     Homeless people don't have to be homeless, PEOPLE!

What does that say about one's city? What does that say about the Mayor of that city? What is the U.S. doing in regards of people of an older age still doing being homeless? Young people get around and still have the capacity to ask a friend or a relative because they are young, but an older person in a tent and perhaps being a veteran has been thru so much that they probably can't find a peaceful place to perhaps drop dead one day. 

     No one cares to start anything at times, nevertheless to start over.

     I question my motives to start over, or to even begin a process of wanting to exist with a certain existence of people! What do we wake up wanting to be in who's presence do we really want to be in? Is that movement going to do anything for my life?
I question my purpose for living sometimes, and not only because I think I am not all that great , but if I am really going to matter anyway. Did I impact you at some point or any? Any reader that came and stumbled upon me and my day. A random act of activity that might have a long term effect on a person or it's ability to be talked about even for because that is the most important topic anyway, because I am not at the altitude I am suppose to be in and that is going to remain the topic until you decide that children really are the one's in command.
     A  topic that don't come as a natural thing to people.Who's attention is starving for attention and then it's given for them to make a negative approach, like" honestly! Starving to be in the day. What the fuck kind of picture will you be in? If you even get the chance to be in the picture,who will you be? Being in the presence of someone that will take the time and make the impact longer, at least see what we are talking about and if it a 5G speed Ipod, state of the line. The only access to God at the moment and chance to be heard because God doesn't listen to peasant ,so this would of been a chance for ten dollars. Who would even think of considering that or try to imagine why this piece of legit piece of programmer that can carry a variety of information would be important to listen to these peasants. To think There was actually a place where people would be frogs just dying to be kissed. Sick, even given you a piece of my breath at the moment and spice and disgust came out from the question that wasn't even referred to you at the moment. Fuck, ken real ignorance of attention that some people are dying to obtain in spirit of other peasants that probably don't want to exist in any good thing any fucken way.
     Anyway, mastering the era.
Mastering a certain type of era isn't easy. Now, mastering a certain type of era in person in a negative way is adrenaline pumping! What do you know about adrenaline pumpinG? Picture yourself a spy in a country that you were suppose to have left years ago so they wouldn't have noticed you even existed there to begin with. Now, they know I am here. Everywhere I go they are wanting to follow just encase I fly out of the country. A place where time has reached it's limits and some may never leave.
A place where majic rules, and it's all about the winner's anyway looser. A looser wouln't need attention to make a negative impact. Given the chance to be included in that day in that person's life anyway.! What was my impact I decided to make during the day I decided to make an appearance in? Chiquis?What was the impact that was your purpose to have been made in that day? You had already seen how that day was going to play out but you decided to make an appearance...what was your purpose for that appearance? What statement are you going to try and make? How can we erase that day? Or even our point in history for that matter?
Does it even matter? If My stories would be your only reasons to survive in history if you had to read? You had to mandatory read my stories to survive in history in my time of existence! Would you be there and know at what time!, Because only those people at that moment where getting on my bus to everlasting salvation! Looking around me, right now this monday march 14th of 2016? Not such a bad bus, In addition the pee--sensation calls and I must go!

Denial

Denial= refusal to comply with a request of truth...Maybe I don't really care to start over,maybe my life has been enough at this point where I am sufficient in knowing what goes on around me, maybe birds are getting on my nerves, maybe I don't want to pray tonight and maybe I don't want to believe in God anymore. After all, what kind of God would invent a world that is filled with so much nonsense and so much confusion?! Maybe I got used to living amoungs the dead because that's how I feel inside, DEAD! How miserable it is being me.
     How miserable spirits have been restored on me, how miserable my days and nights have been, How miserable to think only of myself and not think that many people might feel as lost as me. Maybe because I really don't like to listen to other people's problems or see negative shit on television. Or on the internet. I'm so miserably negative today and maybe there have been other days but I don't know Fuck" I am miserable all around, ever since I can think of coming here to this miserable country, full of hate and fucked up looking people. LMFAO
Sorry, I guess it's one of those miserable days and on top of that I have not gotten laid in months. I have been like a drug addict without any drugs, a kid without any Nickelodeon, a dog without water and a mouse without no cheese. Miserable! I live in a miserable town that has nothing but disgusting tasting faucet water and green water that flows down it's river bank. A town where crows fly around with bread on their mouth flapping their wings really loud. I can't sense but to feel that I might live amoungs the dead.
     Nothing new, I guess.. I am just miserable today and the music is no longer tickling me like it use to. I seem to be mad at God too, I can't believe he isn't looking for me. I can't believe God isn't at my door knocking wanting to take me to my own wonderland of beauty and green huge trees with baby blue clean water and a house that I can loose myself in. I can't believe God keeps of wanting me to go and search for him as if heaven was any where near here. I guess I am a miserable person, that's why noone wants to be around me or comes looking for me. I can't believe I have been so bad in my life that I must feel so miserable inside!
     I don't have no more paper to paint.
I hate being bored and being sick and weak, I hate not having any smart friends, I hate not being able to go drive down to the ocean and hear the real waves crashing not like on this youtube channel. I am so mad today, I shift gears from hot and cold and I don't like it one bit! I hate to remember and begin to cry--As I feel my tears wanting to shed now, God I am so miserable! Why can't you come find ME! GOD? Why don't you send some parent's to adopt me instead then, who cares if I'm about to turn forty.
     MAybe ,that is why I am feeling so miserable

      March, whatever..it's like going to a new job interview with people that knew you were going to fail. It's like living for a moment that some already lived for me. Starting over with what? Start over to become a really positive thinker, but I was a positive thinker! I cared about the things that should have mattered in life. I am starting not to care at all. Scares me but maybe my visions should be explained to those that haven't yet seen what I have seen.
     Doesn't matter what my heart feels anymore about religions, I have high expectations of people and the smallest thing disappoints me. I don't know if God understands me anymore. I don't know if I understand God. Starting over isn't so hard, just find something I like and get to it, and there are many things I like and corruption and using people isn't one of them. I can't even get my room mate to buy me chilly cheese fries, yet along begin a corrupt enterprise.. but I would understand the one's that have had many lives. I can understand how rejection from a simple plea can drive many to commit international crimes as well.
     I wouldn't settle in hell, I probably have had many misfortunes here but I really wouldn't go lower when I know there is something higher. Starting over does not necessarily mean being with someone if God is always above me. I really have not been scared too much of people. In Jr. high this idiot pulled out a gun out to my face but after I screamed at him to shoot he just laughed and drove away, what a coward! Then I seen her here as a girl to try and hate on me some more after trying to get at least one year of taxes to myself, but like I said, it's like the jealousy of these homos keep following me around. I really don't know what they are. I really can't say if it's just in my head, but what I do know is that there are a lot of short jealous gremlins that came back looking worse than before. Happiness..(Tears and heartache) happiness for me was found in the smallest things and in other's smiles. Happiness for me was in the nature of things and the sound of the birds when they had something to say. But why did God make birds (parentheses?) maybe because they liked to fly away. 
      

Quran in English - Clear and Easy to Read, with Audio.

Quran in English - Clear and Easy to Read, with Audio. March 9, 2016 21;54 hrs