God I do want to go live at a church home but I am afraid to feel all the weight of everyone that might live there..I get so shaken up and the fire seems intense. I want to think only of you God but I know that when your presence is gone the wickedness of roaming spirits come around. I know that I have to start over on my own and maybe with some help as I have now by having a place to sleep and going to a place for my food now that I am still healing. I am grateful for that, but it's not where I want to be! I really don't. I can't lie of the things that I want in life, I can't lie to you God that I do feel mad sometimes that my life might have to have been someone else's. I get so frustrated that I might not be listening to my intuition at times and my insecurities and pride get the best of me. I have to be honest that I never thought I see myself in this position I am at now, but you seem to place spirits wherever possible for me to approach people? That's not really me, I know that many run to work to sit at a desk all day and not think of things they need to let go of. When I write to you or write to you I feel as if so many people want to talk to you as well. My random writing might seem senseless to most that don't care to hear a voice that might pertain to them, but God only you know who wants to get their point across to you and right now that is the only thing I can do to show you that many people are...LOST! I know some maybe got a way in living in huge houses and a wealth of others but As those spirits return back to where they have known to be from that's when I feel the sense that I do need to run and move and never return to the same place...But only if you God all mighty would have your houses as ---Visual, I don't know a certain color maybe. You understand me.?
Housing for the lost all over, but then I must imagine that perhaps people might also find that as an advantage to take advantage so I must imagine one has to understand the difference between the pro's and the con's. The bad thing about your houses and your services God is that I feel only con's do take advantage of that because what other way would they have if not by the mercy and the help of your sent one's to provide help. That is where I get stuck in searching for you among your people.
People that really might be mad at you God and say ,"well the heck with working now, when I would love to work and multi task and be an all around successful person. Not only for myself ,but to get the Fuck out of California. I never thought I would come to say that I honestly do hate California and perhaps so many spirits that remain. I have prayed for this body to rest and for it to vanish but maybe you God have other plans for me, perhaps every morning is a new morning and some don't understand how boring a not so good morning can be. But having start this blogging has helped me to not feel in such a bad way, it also helps me to come back and read what I was feeling at the time I was feeling and understand what spirit wants to live thru me at that moment. For what reason, IDK ...Then that's when thinking of fucking comes into place. I don't know if I can love just anyone, I don't know what history comes with that person. I get frustrated, I think too much ,but if I didn't what bigger mess can I get into? If I didn't think of where I might be and why I might be here I would probably never get a chance at love again and sinning and fucking just anyone is no longer attractive to me and my expectations are HUGE! Huge from this world of corruption and bullshit!
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