I question my motives to start over, or to even begin a process of wanting to exist with a certain existence of people! What do we wake up wanting to be in who's presence do we really want to be in? Is that movement going to do anything for my life?
I question my purpose for living sometimes, and not only because I think I am not all that great , but if I am really going to matter anyway. Did I impact you at some point or any? Any reader that came and stumbled upon me and my day. A random act of activity that might have a long term effect on a person or it's ability to be talked about even for because that is the most important topic anyway, because I am not at the altitude I am suppose to be in and that is going to remain the topic until you decide that children really are the one's in command.
     A  topic that don't come as a natural thing to people.Who's attention is starving for attention and then it's given for them to make a negative approach, like" honestly! Starving to be in the day. What the fuck kind of picture will you be in? If you even get the chance to be in the picture,who will you be? Being in the presence of someone that will take the time and make the impact longer, at least see what we are talking about and if it a 5G speed Ipod, state of the line. The only access to God at the moment and chance to be heard because God doesn't listen to peasant ,so this would of been a chance for ten dollars. Who would even think of considering that or try to imagine why this piece of legit piece of programmer that can carry a variety of information would be important to listen to these peasants. To think There was actually a place where people would be frogs just dying to be kissed. Sick, even given you a piece of my breath at the moment and spice and disgust came out from the question that wasn't even referred to you at the moment. Fuck, ken real ignorance of attention that some people are dying to obtain in spirit of other peasants that probably don't want to exist in any good thing any fucken way.
     Anyway, mastering the era.
Mastering a certain type of era isn't easy. Now, mastering a certain type of era in person in a negative way is adrenaline pumping! What do you know about adrenaline pumpinG? Picture yourself a spy in a country that you were suppose to have left years ago so they wouldn't have noticed you even existed there to begin with. Now, they know I am here. Everywhere I go they are wanting to follow just encase I fly out of the country. A place where time has reached it's limits and some may never leave.
A place where majic rules, and it's all about the winner's anyway looser. A looser wouln't need attention to make a negative impact. Given the chance to be included in that day in that person's life anyway.! What was my impact I decided to make during the day I decided to make an appearance in? Chiquis?What was the impact that was your purpose to have been made in that day? You had already seen how that day was going to play out but you decided to make an appearance...what was your purpose for that appearance? What statement are you going to try and make? How can we erase that day? Or even our point in history for that matter?
Does it even matter? If My stories would be your only reasons to survive in history if you had to read? You had to mandatory read my stories to survive in history in my time of existence! Would you be there and know at what time!, Because only those people at that moment where getting on my bus to everlasting salvation! Looking around me, right now this monday march 14th of 2016? Not such a bad bus, In addition the pee--sensation calls and I must go!

Denial

Denial= refusal to comply with a request of truth...Maybe I don't really care to start over,maybe my life has been enough at this point where I am sufficient in knowing what goes on around me, maybe birds are getting on my nerves, maybe I don't want to pray tonight and maybe I don't want to believe in God anymore. After all, what kind of God would invent a world that is filled with so much nonsense and so much confusion?! Maybe I got used to living amoungs the dead because that's how I feel inside, DEAD! How miserable it is being me.
     How miserable spirits have been restored on me, how miserable my days and nights have been, How miserable to think only of myself and not think that many people might feel as lost as me. Maybe because I really don't like to listen to other people's problems or see negative shit on television. Or on the internet. I'm so miserably negative today and maybe there have been other days but I don't know Fuck" I am miserable all around, ever since I can think of coming here to this miserable country, full of hate and fucked up looking people. LMFAO
Sorry, I guess it's one of those miserable days and on top of that I have not gotten laid in months. I have been like a drug addict without any drugs, a kid without any Nickelodeon, a dog without water and a mouse without no cheese. Miserable! I live in a miserable town that has nothing but disgusting tasting faucet water and green water that flows down it's river bank. A town where crows fly around with bread on their mouth flapping their wings really loud. I can't sense but to feel that I might live amoungs the dead.
     Nothing new, I guess.. I am just miserable today and the music is no longer tickling me like it use to. I seem to be mad at God too, I can't believe he isn't looking for me. I can't believe God isn't at my door knocking wanting to take me to my own wonderland of beauty and green huge trees with baby blue clean water and a house that I can loose myself in. I can't believe God keeps of wanting me to go and search for him as if heaven was any where near here. I guess I am a miserable person, that's why noone wants to be around me or comes looking for me. I can't believe I have been so bad in my life that I must feel so miserable inside!
     I don't have no more paper to paint.
I hate being bored and being sick and weak, I hate not having any smart friends, I hate not being able to go drive down to the ocean and hear the real waves crashing not like on this youtube channel. I am so mad today, I shift gears from hot and cold and I don't like it one bit! I hate to remember and begin to cry--As I feel my tears wanting to shed now, God I am so miserable! Why can't you come find ME! GOD? Why don't you send some parent's to adopt me instead then, who cares if I'm about to turn forty.
     MAybe ,that is why I am feeling so miserable

      March, whatever..it's like going to a new job interview with people that knew you were going to fail. It's like living for a moment that some already lived for me. Starting over with what? Start over to become a really positive thinker, but I was a positive thinker! I cared about the things that should have mattered in life. I am starting not to care at all. Scares me but maybe my visions should be explained to those that haven't yet seen what I have seen.
     Doesn't matter what my heart feels anymore about religions, I have high expectations of people and the smallest thing disappoints me. I don't know if God understands me anymore. I don't know if I understand God. Starting over isn't so hard, just find something I like and get to it, and there are many things I like and corruption and using people isn't one of them. I can't even get my room mate to buy me chilly cheese fries, yet along begin a corrupt enterprise.. but I would understand the one's that have had many lives. I can understand how rejection from a simple plea can drive many to commit international crimes as well.
     I wouldn't settle in hell, I probably have had many misfortunes here but I really wouldn't go lower when I know there is something higher. Starting over does not necessarily mean being with someone if God is always above me. I really have not been scared too much of people. In Jr. high this idiot pulled out a gun out to my face but after I screamed at him to shoot he just laughed and drove away, what a coward! Then I seen her here as a girl to try and hate on me some more after trying to get at least one year of taxes to myself, but like I said, it's like the jealousy of these homos keep following me around. I really don't know what they are. I really can't say if it's just in my head, but what I do know is that there are a lot of short jealous gremlins that came back looking worse than before. Happiness..(Tears and heartache) happiness for me was found in the smallest things and in other's smiles. Happiness for me was in the nature of things and the sound of the birds when they had something to say. But why did God make birds (parentheses?) maybe because they liked to fly away. 
      

Quran in English - Clear and Easy to Read, with Audio.

Quran in English - Clear and Easy to Read, with Audio. March 9, 2016 21;54 hrs

Stuck like the Truck that was stolen out of my hands by Enterprise

     God I do want to go live at a church home but I am afraid to feel all the weight of everyone that might live there..I get so shaken up and the fire seems intense. I want to think only of you God but I know that when your presence is gone the wickedness of roaming spirits come around. I know that I have to start over on my own and maybe with some help as I have now by having a place to sleep and going to a place for my food now that I am still healing. I am grateful for that, but it's not where I want to be! I really don't. I can't lie of the things that I want in life, I can't lie to you God that I do feel mad sometimes that my life might have to have been someone else's. I get so frustrated that I might not be listening to my intuition at times and my insecurities and pride get the best of me. I have to be honest that I never thought I see myself in this position I am at now, but you seem to place spirits wherever possible for me to approach people? That's not really me, I know that many run to work to sit at a desk all day and not think of things they need to let go of. When I write to you or write to you I feel as if so many people want to talk to you as well. My random writing might seem senseless to most that don't care to hear a voice that might pertain to them, but God only you know who wants to get their point across to you and right now that is the only thing I can do to show you that many people are...LOST! I know some maybe got a way in living in huge houses and a wealth of others but As those spirits return back to where they have known to be from that's when I feel the sense that I do need to run and move and never return to the same place...But only if you God all mighty would have your houses as ---Visual, I don't know a certain color maybe. You understand me.?
     Housing for the lost all over, but then I must imagine that perhaps people might also find that as an advantage to take advantage so I must imagine one has to understand the difference between the pro's and the con's. The bad thing about your houses and your services God is that I feel only con's do take advantage of that because what other way would they have if not by the mercy and the help of your sent one's to provide help. That is where I get stuck in searching for you among your people.
     People that really might be mad at you God and say ,"well the heck with working now, when I would love to work and multi task and be an all around successful person. Not only for myself ,but to get the Fuck out of California. I never thought I would come to say that I honestly do hate California and perhaps so many spirits that remain. I have prayed for this body to rest and for it to vanish but maybe you God have other plans for me, perhaps every morning is a new morning and some don't understand how boring a not so good morning can be. But having start this blogging has helped me to not feel in such a bad way, it also helps me to come back and read what I was feeling at the time I was feeling and understand what spirit wants to live thru me at that moment. For what reason, IDK ...Then that's when thinking of fucking comes into place. I don't know if I can love just anyone, I don't know what history comes with that person. I get frustrated, I think too much ,but if I didn't what bigger mess can I get into? If I didn't think of where I might be and why I might be here I would probably never get a chance at love again and sinning and fucking just anyone is no longer attractive to me and my expectations are HUGE! Huge from this world of corruption and bullshit!

     Reinventing myself, first of all I need to figure out where to start reinventing myself, It seems that I am no longer the person I use to be. I came to this town looking for a room for rent and after awhile I didn't have no more income coming for myself, but I ended up staying here as a house cleaner and pet babysitter. I don't think this owner of the house remains the person he is either. There are times the attitude changes, his personality, his ways of thinking sometimes drives me nuts! But I really don't have nowhere to go but to be homeless or go to a woman's church house. I think that's the route I think might be best for me right now being that I know my identity was stolen, my life is gone---in the sense that I can no longer think as one person. 
      The feeling of people coming thru me really makes me ask God how that could be possible. Then, I tell myself ,"God only gives me what I can handle", I know that the possibilities of multiplying one self is possible if people no longer had another way of being born. Sounds confusing, don't it? Parenthesis.. But see, I think of possibilities, I add other's people's religions and ways of thinking to possibilities of what they might think or how it is they might see things as, The books that explain other's points of views and how we are seen as. I might be a little more specific by explaining about the Maya's calendar and the Chinese birth years as well. Which has to do with the day, month and year we where born. People really believe in that and it get's to a point where everything has to mean something. Since we awake we have to be a certain way. Give thanks to God, is what I do. Give thanks to God for sunlight and the strength to get out of bed in the morning, give thanks for having a roof over my head which is actually a mighty big one and the bible says,"A big house might be not so good ", Or something like that. 
     Then the people that claim that Jesus was a myth. (I wonder why they would say that) because if Jesus was a myth than what can I actually believe in then? I know for a fact there is a greater power than myself, it might be an invisible power and might come as I sleep. Some people really don't want to fall asleep anymore because they are afraid what or whom will take their place then. That's the way I see things as I have heard and witnessed certain things. Perhaps we are meant to think and follow our minds, but some of us don't want to feel rejected and knowing that is what keeps me from actions I would like to take.
     It's really traumatizing to think that other people can live thru me and it drives me to a point of wanting to end my life in this body. It really wouldn't be the route that I would want to take because I don't want to wake up one day feeling worse that I didn't actually die! Yeah, that also drives me crazy, I guess someone would just have to kill me..but I have honestly felt as If I have been sent out to kill a couple of times. The funny thing is that I have invisible forces protecting me. I also know that for a fact, I have felt pain and I have felt certain things happening to me that I don't know if they have happened to anyone else. For example, the other time I was riding my bike around this neighborhood and I heard of what seemed like something coming my way. I didn't actually hear a bullet but I felt like if a bullet had hit me on my leg. I didn't see it or hear it but I felt it. My back tire got flat and I had to walk home with this pain on my leg. It was a terrible feeling and I was mad, tired and for a moment there, I was like,"WTF, is there certain boundaries I can't cross in the United States Of America"? Or better yet, California. 
     Boundaries that aren't taught to us in school!? (or does your parents teach about boundaries?) All that goes thru my head and seem to make me mad as it is why people use all these tools religions hand out to be evil! The way I see it, is..If I can't stand for one thing,which is the creator of heaven and earth ,than why stand for anything at all! Why not think that their is! Another world or life living around me and thru me, God does things in his own way, there is rewind, fast forward, pause..and then a stop. Knowing that is knowing that the only person I do have is God and whom ever he sent out to protect me in this world, which I honestly HATE!   

     Starting over after the vacuum comes and sucks this air out of me at night and leaves as loud as a flying saucer----reinventing myself after having dyed my hair @ a weird strategic way. Colors that will grow and be visible as my hair begins to  grow as thick as it used to be. I have a cousin named Gus and his younger brother Ton ton (he has tons of muscles) they are my dad's brother's sons--no clue if they are indian inheritance, or perhaps passing by. IDK---but they surely have lived an astonishing life full of lust and traveling. Indeed, I come with wanting to explore in my veins. I am sick of this city, but I am afraid this will have to do for the rest of the year. Space id positively clear to land in Lancaster. Have ya'll seen the huge" space ship in Downey?  It's by the skate park, hidden...trying not to look suspicious . (who the fuck lands a spaceship in Downey?) That's why elm vista was so haunted..space is settle ling and everyone all lost searching for belongings and blood and shit.  That's insane when one really goes there and trips out that it is a huge" spaceship! I mean (what is people doing on a spaceship?) can extra terrestrials really be simply bodies to some. Invasion of Palmdale...scary shit, Air force First class Private Sexy reporting on duty ----sir! I would like it if ya'll can please deliver my retirement assistance to find me and tell me that I don't belong with extra terrestrial living. (is that safe to say?) Or must one have to run to the eye witness station and report more space crafts that are unidentified and there is nothing no one can do because they leave in 1/2 a second. The vision on most space camera's will only show lights. In addition all information that is given as too much will be put in one's jacket of incompetent to maintain a high profile, profile for future CIA operations that might take place as daisy travel's the planet. (Whom are these air craft passengers, one asks)? Unidentified due to lack of dna.